Help Emerging Leaders to Say No to Negative Self-Talk

After reading one of my favorite books, Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, I list all the negative beliefs I had about myself. I was shocked with what flowed from my pen. Seven pages of destructive self-talk. Yes, seven!  I could hardly believe the lies that poured forth:​

• ​I’m too short.
• I’m too fat.
• I’m not smart

Then, related to sales:

• I’m afraid to ask people questions that might make them uncomfortable.
• I’m nervous to talk to people on money.
• I’m tentative about calling people I don’t know.

It occurred to me that if I believed these lies, others might struggle with negative self-talk as well. In reality, most leaders have faced their thought “demons.” What’s your story?

“Say No to Negative Self-Talk” is the second action step to Sharpen Self-Listening.Lies hide in our subconscious, but they wield power, sabotaging our everyday lives if we allow it. Help Next Gen Leaders bring the lies they believe about themselves into the light. ​

What might you do as you’re counseling emerging leaders? Invite them to complete these questions. They reveal some of the lies that are sabotaging their leadership potential.

• I would be more effective if I wasn’t so _________.
• I would achieve more if I didn’t have to deal with _____________.
• I’m afraid to ____________.
• I’m not inspired enough to _______________.

What lies were uncovered?  My 4-Step Lie Buster process helps crush destructive self-talk.

1.  Identify them
Encourage Millennials to list all possible negative self-talk on paper or computer. This is not a mental list – it’s too easy to cheat. It needs to be a list that can be seen and observed.

2.  Recognize their destructive impact
Seeing these negative beliefs and lies in black & white can be shocking, especially if there are seven pages filled from top to bottom!  What part of your own story can you share on how you’ve confronted some of your incorrect beliefs?

3.  Break them
You may think I’m crazy with this next step.  Reading each one out loud I say, “This is a lie.” Then I tear the paper to shreds. Why? I’m a kinesthetic learner, so it’s a physical reminder that the negative belief no longer has control. It’s been life-changing for me. What have you done to create long-term belief and behavior change in your own life?

4. Install truth
Finally, I write and display a truth statement in a prominent place. I write mine on a 3×5 card and review it during my morning exercise routine. Other friends have recorded a Voice Memo on their iPhone and listen to them. What leadership and sales mindset practices have you installed to keep truth in the forefront?

I challenge you to be proactive in challenging those you mentor to use their Decision Power. We all have the power to decide, “Negativity and lies will no longer control my life. Truth rules.” Ensure that the thoughts that flow from their pen (or from their keyboards) are supportive and encouraging. The result? They will be better equipped to grow their sales capacity and to advance your business growth and succession strategies.

Dakota Way Leadership question: What are you doing to help Next Gen Leaders embrace the truth of who they are and what they are called to do?

Dakota Way Leadership lesson: Be proactive in identifying negative self-talk and installing truth.

​​© Copyright Danita Bye, 2016