Leaders Deal with their Dark Side
“Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts.”
Proverbs 4:23 (The Message)
Deal with your Dark Side is the fifth action step to sharpen self-listening
Here are two signs I use to help identify an emerging leader or salesperson who’s struggling with this issue.
- Over-reaction. Reactions don’t fit the situation and are counter productive. For example, a sales person may talk incessantly during a selling situation (when they are supposed to be asking questions and listening). In some situations, the reactions are too intense, i.e. sadness becomes overwhelming despair and anger quickly turns to rage.
- Under-reaction. Salespeople often confess to me that their mind freezes when they are in high stress situations. It’s as if their mind goes blank. Again, counter productive in most selling situations! In other situations, feelings of shame and guilt are bottled up and they don’t respond or talk about feelings at all.
Use These Tips To Help Young Leaders Deal With Their Dark Side
Oftentimes, young leaders don’t experience any kind of failure until they get knee deep in their first real job. That is a time when a season leader can step in and help them develop healthy patterns.
With sharp self-listening skills, one is able to identify areas that need attention. Our “dark side” is not something to be ashamed of, nor is it a static condition that will never leave. Instead, it can be a journey toward emotional, intellectual, and spiritual well-being.
- Listen Actively. Be interested and ask insightful questions to help those you coach to gain a better understanding of themselves. Both introverts and extroverts benefit from a wise, listening ear. Who’s been your listening ear throughout your leadership and sales journey?
- Offer help. You may not be able to solve their problem, but you can help them get through a difficult time by offering friendship or practical assistance in other areas of their lives. What resources have been most helpful for you?
The goal is to cultivate emotional hardiness and stability. Then they will be leaders and sales professional with the capacity for processing life’s issues and complex relationships with clarity. These are the kind of leaders whose presence might diffuse future conflict when it matters most.
Encourage Millennials to become increasingly aware of their emotional wounds, their “Dark Side.” This Emotional Control will produce results for them personally and professionally.
Dakota Way Leadership question: Which emotions do you think have a negative effect on Next Gen leader’s potential?
Dakota Way Leadership lesson: Strong leaders are aware of their emotions and deal with them in a healthy way.
Erik Beckler
Posted at h,Danita, in my basketball coaching as well as in my Afila Group roundtable, I regularly talk about how stress changes the way we perform. We make different decisions and behave differently when stress, more specifically stress we are not resilient enough to manage, comes up on us.
You mention leaders in their first real job face this. Exactly. They are already stressed from being in their first real job and are using their resources to cope with that. Add on something that may seem innocuous to that and they lose their ability to function well.
Your tips are very much on point. I’d add on another. Talking about how stress and resiliency affect us (you mention stress never leaves us), can help that leader recognize how they can manage their resiliency on the fly.
Thanks for the post.
Danita Bye
Posted at h,Good insight, Erik, on how stress changes the way we perform. Powerful tip to help us manage resiliency on the fly. Looking forward to more insights, Erik!