IWork4Him Chapter: Christian Leadership Development: How to Identify the Lies and Replace with Truths
Jim & Martha Brangenberg, Founders of IWork4Him, invite me to do an interview on retirement. My instinct reply is, “No, I’m not your person!” When Jim asked why I the adamant reply, I said, “Because I don’t believe retirement is Biblical!”
He’s response, “Danita, that’s exactly the reason we want to talk with you!”
As I’m preparing for that interview (which I’ll share with you at a later date), I’m reflecting on the other collaborative work I’ve done with Jim and Martha. This is a reprint of a chapter I contributed to a related ministry, SheWorks4Him – Embrace Your Calling – a Christian Woman at Work
The book is written to encourage women. In reality, it’s a powerful message for all leaders. I trust you are encouraged by considering your First Call Suit, Presentation Suit, and Closing Suit.
Chapter 4 from the Book: Embrace your Calling – a Christian Woman at Work
A Collaborative Resource by IWork4Him – Jim & Martha Brangenberg
As I reach for the First Call Suit, I hear a soft whisper in my heart. I’ve come to recognize this whisper as the voice of the Holy Spirit. I hear, “Danita, I’m the only one who can protect your heart.”My eyes instantly welled with tears. I know exactly what this message is about. I’m donning these beautifully tailored suits as if they are my armor, protecting me and my heart from the harshness of the corporate world. I’m desperately hoping that my clients, colleagues, and employees won’t see past my I-got-my-act-together image. I don’t want them to know that my internal world is chaotic and stressful.
Once again, the nagging question races through my mind: “How can I excel at my high-pressure corporate career … while being a great wife to Gordon … and the best mom to three young children?” The questions don’t stop there—they keep going. “And, how can I also be a good friend, daughter, church worker, and soccer coach … all at the same time?”
My tears blur the image of the navy-blue suits. I realize I’m exhausted. There are too many voices telling me who to be and what to do. My external critics blame me for not performing and meeting my goals at work. According to the accusations of my internal critics, I am a failure at home. It’s overwhelming.
Between my sobs, I whisper, “God, I want to change. I want to know you, to discover who I am in you, and what you are calling me to do. I want to be real and authentic with you, myself, and others.”
This is a life-shifting decision. I’ve been prioritizing the voices of my critics for most of my life. Now, how do I signal to both my internal and external critics that I’m not going to listen to them anymore? Instead, I’m choosing to prioritize who God says I am and what He is calling me to do.
To mark the gravity of my decision, I decide to burn, to sacrifice, one of my prized navy-blue suits.
Gingerly, I place the suit into the fireplace. I light the fire and watch. The fabric begins to bubble and gurgle as the red-orange flames work to destroy my once beautiful tailored suit. It’s as if the fabric is resisting. It looks grotesque. And the smell is putrid, sickening. Then, I hear the Holy Spirit whisper deep inside my heart, “Danita, that’s what your armor is to me—grotesque and sickening.” The sobs become deeper as I confess my lifelong habit of looking to others for approval versus looking to God.
Eventually, my tears turn to joy, as I realize that I have been liberated from both the external and internal critics. I dance throughout my house, opening the windows to let the fresh, sweet morning air clean out the stench. I feel happy and free. It’s then that I hear the whispering voice again. “The most impactful Danita is the real Danita. Let me be the one to protect you as you show your heart to the world.”
How did this experience change me? First, I don’t wear as many navy-blue suits—I try to dress more creatively. However, even when I do, I don the suit as the authentic Danita, who’s okay confessing when she is confused or hurt. When I mess up, whether at home or work, I recognize that God is my protector. I can trust Him.
Staying focused on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my God’s plans for my life versus what I think others expect of me and how I condemn myself is a daily journey for me. To help me stay focused, I use the Inward, Outward, Upward model. I invite you to consider integrating some of these ideas into your life.
My internal thinking patterns can do more damage than any criticism from the outside. Here are some ways that I stay attuned to the guidance of the Holy Spirit versus listening to my internal critics.
- Redefine Success Messaging. We are constantly bombarded by marketing messages, selling an impossible model of what success looks like. To counteract this trend, I have a morning ritual. I repeat the words that I have written on a business card shortly after my navy-blue-suit bonfire: I am exactly who I am supposed to be. I am a woman made in God’s image. I am being strategically sent to particular people, places, and nations to accomplish God’s purposes and plans.
- These words reaffirm two truths. First, they remind me of who I am and my relationship as a daughter to the Heavenly Father. Next, they help me to embrace what I am called to do: to be an ambassador for the Most High King. My husband thinks it’s a little weird for me to be talking to myself every morning, but he is getting more accustomed to it.
What is your internal critic telling you that’s holding you back from living a fulfilled life?
Believing unfounded criticisms from friends, family, and colleagues impacts my ability to live authentically. Here are some ways that I deal with the lies from external critics:
- Identify the Lies. I journal most days. I listen to my self-talk and what I am saying about myself. If the thought is a lie, I make a note in my journal. Sometimes, I’m amazed at the filth that’s in my head!
- Destroy the Lies. In the next step, I write each lie on a piece of paper. I say them out loud, followed by, “This is a lie.” I tear the paper into small pieces. This is a physical reminder that I have broken the lies, and they no longer have control over me.
- Install the Truth. When I remove a lie, I want to replace that space with the truth. Otherwise, another lie will take its place, or the old one will come back. In my journal, I put a big “X” through the lie and then write the truth on the opposite side of the page. It’s helpful to write the truth statements on flashcards to remind yourself of how God sees the perfect woman He created. When I see some lies that keep seeping into my life, I write them on a card, take them to my fireplace, and have a burning ceremony.
How can you embrace the truth about who God created you to be versus conforming to who you think others want you to be?
By focusing on what God says about me, I learn to embrace my unique skills, talents, and even my vulnerabilities. This gives me the confidence to be authentic as I interact with people. I remind myself that the old navy-blue suit armor did not protect my heart. Only God can do that.
Here are some steps I take to focus upward so that I walk more aligned with God’s purposes and plans in my life. I’m confident they will be helpful to you too.
- Join a Community of Believers.
A “community of believers” is not only the members of your church in your town but can be family, colleagues, and friends from all over the globe. My fellow believers assist me in identifying and breaking the lies in my life.
- Claim the Power of Prayer.
Prayer provides the basis for shifting my unhealthy thinking patterns and how I view challenges in my life. Challenges aren’t always obstacles. If I wait and watch, I will often see the bigger picture of how God uses challenges in guiding me on my life journey.
- Meditate on Scripture.
Christian meditation is a powerful tool to learn about your full identity and how God wants to use it for his purposes. Whenever I think of something I would like to meditate on, I write it down on the back of one of my old business cards. I take some of them with me when I’m out on a walk. They’re small and practical, and it keeps my mind focused as I’m meditating.
What is holding you back from living the life God had planned for you even before you were born?
As you are standing in front of your closet, what are the “navy-blue suits” that you need to “burn?”
What are you holding onto as your perceived protection from the harshness of the world?
If you’re exhausted by your constant efforts to shield your vulnerabilities from the world, it’s time to take a break. You are fully protected by God’s grace. His purpose and plans for your life will be your shield and your true armor.
Copyright © 2020 by Danita Bye
Danita Bye, M.A.
www.DanitaBye.com
Danita is an executive leadership and sales development expert. She’s been a contributing author to the Forbes Coaches Council, sales coach for Harvard Business School MBA students, and a TEDx speaker on Millennial leadership. She’s been published in Forbes, Huffington Post, and CEO World.
She is a mother of three millennials, has four grandchildren, and operates her global headquarters from the Cornerstone Ranch in North Dakota.
- What are the “navy blue suits” that you need to “burn?” These are the beliefs that are holding you back from living the life God had planned for you.
- What are you holding onto as an unnecessary part of your identity?
- How might you stay attuned to the guidance of the Holy Spirit versus listening to your internal critic?
- How can you differentiate between the truth about who God created you to be versus what you believe others want you to be?
- How can you deal with your external critics so that you destroy the lies you hear?
- How will you focus upward so that you can walk in God’s purposes and plans for your life?
- What did you really hear Danita Say?
- How will this impact your work?
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